"I took that piano apart piece by piece. The sound/
board was cracked & it would not stay tuned." — my father
Some days he watched her, her back
perpendicular to the bench, wrists lifted,
as they should be, from the edges of the keys.
The music populated our home, as though
suddenly they had forty children more, the new ones
dancing in tiny, all-over dots around the three
they did have who sat, enraptured, quiet finally,
and listened. My father stopped then, too, stopped
the fast he was accustomed to and smiled, slight,
knowing something secret, a man in love.
Other times his eyes didn't see, or they saw
financial security, a far-off land, unreachable
with music, his teacher's salary, or the extra
change he made delivering bread, his mornings
not for sleep but for keeping our four heads
pressed into pillows as he went out
into the night and drove loaves from factory
to doorstep, then entered the classroom
somehow awake enough to show
how the derivative of the cosine is negative
the sine. Sometimes her notes were a song
that foretold our downfall. Taxes each year
took more than he could afford. With each dollar
gone, there went a new shoe, here came the thread
my brother used to sew a shirt that passed
from father to son to brother to me. In those notes,
in her strict wrists, in the minor descending key,
she made the soundtrack of our fleeting home:
togetherness depreciated at an insolvable rate
per year, as Mom stayed here and Dad went there—
until five had reached a hundred
and we were dissolved into the last,
lilting notes of the song.
I took that piano apart,
my dad wrote,
piece by piece the sound—
the sound of her playing stayed too long
in his head, so with his hands he took it out
until the song was wood again.